After our phone call, I thought more deeply about God’s mercy for us. I, too, have had moments (often!) when I was disgusted with myself. These times come after I have done something sinful, selfish or stupid. Or, when I have allowed my mind to think inappropriately and linger there, enjoying (uncomfortably!) the [...]]]> Dear Brother,

After our phone call, I thought more deeply about God’s mercy for us. I, too, have had moments (often!) when I was disgusted with myself. These times come after I have done something sinful, selfish or stupid. Or, when I have allowed my mind to think inappropriately and linger there, enjoying (uncomfortably!) the imagination.
It is good to be introspective, to a degree. After all, Paul exhorted the Corinthians to “examine” themselves to see if they were “in the faith” (2 C 13:5). In believers, I think of this as a work of the Holy Spirit, “scanning” the heart for a “virus”. In computer lingo, the scan will always find a virus as long as we are in this body (Rom 7:15)! And the standard response upon becoming aware of the virus is to expect a forthcoming hard drive crash, or, minimally, a major cleansing that will seriously affect regularly used programs and hinder our ability to function habitually as we have. Any way you look at it is bad news.

But, I’m learning the dangers of introspection also. The Holy Spirit has reminded time and again that personal examination takes place in the context of a relationship with Jesus. Indeed, at the worst of these times, I have actually questioned my salvation! How could I be saved, and continue to harbor the thoughts or do the things that offend? I was driven back to remembering my conversion. I rehearsed it. I probed my intentions. I filtered it through my developing theology. I came to the conclusion that I was genuinely saved.
Those moments early in my Christian walk have become a touchstone, or memorial (an Ebenezer) for me. I know that Christ is in me, as Paul put it, in the verse mentioned above. And I remind myself that He is there because of the mercy of God. I was wretched when He took residence. I deserved disembodied spirits as tenants! Every day, I receive undeserved and unearned blessings, all the fruit of mercy. His mercies are new every morning!
If you and I get introspective apart from the context of “in Christ”, we are destined to despair. That’s probably why some have named it “morbid” introspection. I’m rejoicing in God’s mercy. And my often failures now remind of His mercy, instead of troubling my soul.
I won’t preach or lecture any longer. I just thought this might be helpful for you to think about. I’ve found that Philippians 4:7-9 is true: If I guard my mind, the God of peace will be with me. Blessings.

Joe